Somehow there are pieces of me scattered all over....and I seem to be finding them. Most times, I wasn't even aware that they were recoverable...or that I'd actually 'lost' them. But there they are...in songs I hear, in words that I use, but then all of a sudden, they have a bigger and broader meaning...a meaning that makes me think....Now I understand, Now I get it. Not that I didn't really get it before, but I guess I didn't really take it 'into' me. Maybe you know, maybe you don't.... The good thing is though, that I know, that it makes sense to Me. Finally. :)
I want to go home. Yes, I've said this my whole life it seems...and I've done it. Went home..but not really. I don't think I ever left home. My home was my mom. Her presence, her love, her need of me. I grew up, got married, had kids, and still never made my own home. Because I had her. Her love, her need, her eversweet and beautiful presence. And now I don't. And her home is occupied, and I can't find mine.
What I can do though, is make my own, even though I'm forced to do it. To leave the physical place where I lived and grew, and face my own place, where I need to live and grow, and make sure I make it the best place I can. Where I can feel the love still, feel the need of me, and have my own needs met. If that is with my husband and children, then that is where I need--want to be. If that is not, then I need to find my place, my home, in this big old world. Hmmm, so much to consider. ;)
Maybe part of that is here, and part of that is out there....waiting for me to discover it. I just need to start, and build, and make it the best place I ever loved.
