What have I done....

OK, went to my class reunion, won't tell you how many years its been, but ... a lot. It was nice to see the people, but there are still what appear to be cliques. I didn't notice it so much the last couple reunions, but, well, some people just seem to hang together. Does being back with the same crowd make you act the same way? I know, the friends I have now, some of them still friends from school, are the ones that I loved then, and still do. Now I also have people that I haven't seen in years, but will never forget, nor want to. We don't always keep in touch, but it is sort of like souls with intuition, and when I do see them, I feel an emotional sweep go through me. It is kind of amazing. I always thought that who you were and what you did in high school didn't define you as a person, (although I didn't come to that conclusion until I was out of school for at least 10 years) and I do see that some people who weren't that highly motivated then, have done some fantastic things with their lives. On the other hand, the cheerleaders, will always be the cheerleaders, and the world certainly needs them, but though we can talk, and kind of catch up, there really isn't a lot to say. It is nice to know what everyone is doing, and nice to know how they are doing. There of course were people that didn't come, that I really wished would have. People that have gotten lost, or really moved on and out of any place in my life, or me in theirs. Does that mean then, that the times we had weren't special, or important, or that they are never thought of again? No, probably some people just hold on to things longer, or need to keep the past in the past. I don't think so much that reunions are to say "look what happened to him or her", in a bad way, as they are "Oh wow, look at what they've done/become/accomplished. They are future looking back glimpses of our childhoods, able to see once more through the eyes of innocence that we used to map our futures. It is our own shortcomings and failures that affect us the most, not others. Sadly, we do tend to turn outward to judge the others, just like we did in school. Things were at times difficult, and heart wrenching---what emotions of teenagers aren't? But the passion with which those days were lived and fretted over, the fears, the tears, the joy, has rarely been at such a height again. It makes me sad to think, that in trying to protect my own children, I have stolen from them. The painful, roller coaster of emotion that are the building blocks of their future and I almost cannot bear to let be. I always want to fix it. It hurts Me too much to let Them be hurt. And in realizing that, I can see where my own parents, who wanted everything to be smooth and nice (but it wasn't) tried to fix things for me. That is where "you don't understand" comes into play. They understood, from their own pain, too much for me to realize. I was in my own pain, and my children must face theirs. Without the deep, turbulent, passionate, life defining emotions to guide and propel them, how are they going to really live life and become empathetic, kind and balanced human beings?