I don't like change. As in change in traditions, change in how things always are....growing up change, growing old change, growing apart change. I know, no one else is really excited by it either....
Lately though, the things that we "always" do are falling by the wayside, and my kids are growing up, and my friends are growing old, and my parents friends....well, they are dying.
It feels like losing bits and pieces of my own childhood again....not because they really knew me but because, they knew me when And that is something, that once lost, cannot be replaced. That is what change feels like to me....Loss.
Little deaths that I am not ready for...I don't feel healed enough yet. I don't Want To. Imagine that in a childish whine....
So, I find myself avoiding, and sleeping, and not doing the things I should, or really want to do for those other people. Lacking drive, ambition, energy. Arguing, watching lots of TV on the computer, and just Not Doing Anything.
Which then leads to more and more lethargy....Sucks, this viscious cycle.
So, baby steps again, and again.
Start again.
I'll give it a try.
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